buttonsnaps (buttonsnaps) wrote in queerchoice,

Trans By Choice

Hi everyone. I'm the same person who made the last post.

I think I am trans by choice, but I feel guilt around my decision. My guilt comes from the fact that by being trans I am forcing those around me to change the way they treat me and talk about me. This is often difficult and challenging for them. They do it under the assumption that I don't have a choice in being trans. Also, my family is not happy about the fact that I am trans, which causes me to feel guilty if about choosing to be trans.

Then there are some barriers and challenges that I as a trans person. It feels very stupid to be facing these if I could choose not to, although the truth is I don't mind and I even enjoy the struggle and challenge, because it makes me a stronger person.

I think because I'm white, and live in a city, and am privileged in other ways, there is much less barriers than there is for others, and I've received much more support than if I had been situated differently. So I feel guilty that I am in the position to choose this while others are not.

Lastly, I will never know for sure if I am trans-by-choice unless I try to go back and live as my assigned-at-birth-gender. Until I do this I will never really know the true nature of my gender identity (and how much choice I have in the matter). I am intensely curious about whether I could do it, but also have little desire to try it because I'm enjoying how I live now.

PS - everyone should go to my last entry and answer the question: do you feel you chose your gender? Did you ever question or experiment with it?

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